Regret stings like a bee.
Makes you feel terrible about yourself, and depending on the severity of the outcome, it will make you curse the day you were born.
Every one of us, living or dead, has had cause to regret some of our actions. The only difference is in how we handle the situation and take remedial steps.
Most times when I come across news items, I try to picture the people involved. In my mind, I try to recreate the events surrounding such incidents and imagine the state of mind of the major actors.
Two events happened in the last week that caught my attention.
From gyration to detention
As 24-year-old Liliane left for the concert grounds that day, she never imagined her choice of outfit would later become the talk of the town. Not just in Rwanda but around the world. One of her favourite musicians, Tayc, had a concert in her country and all she wanted to do was have fun.
A picture of her see-through outfit got on social media and life turned upside for Liliane. She got picked up by authorities and found herself standing trial for that one harmless decision she made.
Turns out the Rwandan government was taking a firm stand against indecent dressing and she was the scapegoat. Liliane’s mode of dressing was condemned and described as an “objectionable act.” They were going to make an example of her.
As she stood trial, I imagine the regret she must have felt. If her bail hearing were denied, she would be spending two years of her life behind bars. Luckily, she was granted bail after being subjected to public shame and humiliation.
A moment to regret.
Poor Lilianne.
Rage on the Red Sea
Joshua and Usyk are no strangers to themselves. The last time they met in the ring, Usyk got the best of Joshua and clinched his belts for WBA (Super), IBF and WBO world titles. A very painful loss for him.
This rematch meant everything to him. It was his chance to prove naysayers wrong. It was his chance to get his titles back and once again dominate the boxing world. Unfortunately, that was not to be.
The Ukrainian clinched victory for the second time on points.
I imagine the regret Joshua must have felt.
If only he gathered enough strength to knock his opponent out so judges won’t have to decide their fate.
If only he threw more punches.
If only he got more points.
If only.
How can we move on from the feeling of regret?
Generally speaking, we experience regret in two ways:
We can regret the things we did — or we can regret the things we did not do. One is what researchers refer to as the “action path” and the other is the “inaction path.”
Taking a look at the two stories I shared earlier, we can easily see where they fall. Liliane regrets an action she took while Joshua regrets an action he did not take.
Some researchers argue that it’s harder to make inaction-related regrets go away than action-related ones. But we all know that in reality, guilt can stay with you for a very long time regardless of whether it is hinged on your actions or inactions.
How then can we move on from this confidence-consuming feeling?
Try to forgive yourself. Forgiving yourself for actions taken or not taken is a decisive step toward overcoming regret. Remember that you are human and it is okay to make mistakes sometimes, no matter how bad the outcome. As long as there is life, you can do better next time.
Talk to someone if you have to. Try journaling if that works for you. Let out all the negative emotions and try to make peace with yourself.
Rather than dwell on your mistakes, focus on the lessons. Think about how you would have done it better and etch your newfound knowledge in your heart.
Share your experience and be a source of inspiration to others. You will be shocked at how many people you will save from making the same mistakes. At the end of the day, you would have become a blessing to yourself and others.
Regret is part of being human. Don’t beat yourself up anymore. Put whatever has happened in your past and focus on becoming a better person in the now and future.
